5 Things to STOP doing to make you happy!
Updated: Jan 27, 2022
I will be Happy When......l get that new job.........I get that new car........I get a new boyfriend.......... l get a new home.............. my kids are a bit older..........haircut
If you would like to find out more in this area of your life book into the Breakthrough package to learn what to stop doing! I will work with you to discover to create change easily and effortlessly!
Can you relate to some of the acronyms above? There are certainly times in our lives when we feel like things are not working for us and this is quite normal, however when this occurs instead of making ourselves feel bad, just imagine when sitting alone that you have your best friend sitting beside you then ask yourself what would you say to your friend if they came and told you they were feeling exactly the same way you are feeling right now? Would you say oh don't be so stupid, your an idiot to think like that about yourself? (no probably not) imagine what you could say. You know what, we all have times in our lives when we make mistakes and wish we could change something we have done or said, but right here right now you can take some time to be kind to yourself allow yourself to reflect on how far you have come, whilst learning so many lessons of discovering new experiences in your life journey and allowing yourself to feel good about the person you are transforming into, growing all the way and noticing the different teachers that may enter your life to guide you somehow if you just take that time to be quiet, still and listen you will receive your answers and with that you will find your own happiness and realise it has been there all along. Now you can spread your wings whilst creating a ripple effect of joy to every human being you meet along the way!
“Mindfulness Is Happiness"
While becoming more mindful is often a challenging journey, it is ultimately worthwhile. Becoming more aware of who you are and why you feel pain or depression can go a long way to healing your issues and making you a happier, healthier person.
5 Things to STOP doing to make you Happy
1. STOP Worrying - This was something l used to do a lot , especially when l became a parent for the first time, l would worry about what other people thought of me (that l was being judged as a mother), I would worry about my children hurting themselves or someone else hurting them whilst not being able to protect them. Although l am quite sure a lot of other first time parents could say they experienced similar worries, l wish l had a mum around me back then to just keep loving me and re-assuring me the way l now know l can for my adult children when they become first time parents and l am lucky enough to have become a first time grand parent and due to my own personal growth l have a remarkable relationship with my son and daughter in law (of which I am ever so grateful for) I also understand that it is up to me to create the relationships l want with the people that mean the most to me (this takes awareness of self). The moral of my story is if l never had the courage to recognise l needed to do things differently l would not grow and probably make myself quite sick with worry, and to be honest it really does not help anyone. So l have learnt to STOP worrying about stuff that is out of my control or not really that important and just look at what is important and what l can do and where l can best serve. Encourage, accept and love another human to support them on their journey by re-assuring them that they do not have to worry. You might think to yourself yes it is "easier said than done" and my answer to that is now well no actually it is "easier done than said" Just by turning those words around it has given this quote new meaning! Think about it! If you want to learn more about how to Stop worrying so much in your life about so many different things - Being too fat, being too skinny, not being pretty enough, not being strong enough, not being clever enough - let me hold your hand along the way of learning new thought patterns made easy!
2. STOP Blaming other people, things or circumstances for what is happening in your life!
This is a big one as it is so easy to Blame others (why is this important?) because then you do not have to look at your own part in something. You know when you actually start taking responsibility for your own life and Stop the excuses or blame this is really when life starts to change for the better and you take the time to really get to know yourself. You see the thing is, there are some people in life that just seem to think it is ok to treat and speak to other people badly and make no apologies for it. No matter why or what has happened to them in their lives it really is no excuse to behave inappropriately some people have just never been taught these things. Once you pay attention to your own behavioural patterns and start to question why your maybe not very well liked or people often do things for you to people please, keep the peace or are afraid to set their own boundaries so it continues to allow the bad behaviour. You see to STOP this we have to Love and Respect the person we are ourselves as it is only then that we can START to Love and Respect others. I was the people pleaser back in the day because l was fearful and since l have recognised this l have become so much more resilient, stronger and absolutely know how to set my own boundaries to gain respect from the people that are important in my life whilst also respecting myself. This is truly a gift once the lesson is learnt and sometimes we keep repeating things for a long time wondering why we keep getting the same results, so when we make the change, shift ourselves is when another will either walk beside us or they will leave, or try their best to bring us back down to their level because of some kind of fear that they may have and are to scared to face it, you know that saying he or she just buries their head in the sand (in other words they do not face it) and it is not until we look at ourselves and confront the fear that Life just continues to become better and better each day as we accept and love the person we are inside and out! "YOU HAVE TO FEEL TO HEAL".
3. STOP attaching yourself to something that is NOT yours - Ownership
This is also something that we often do without intention or realising that it is happening, it is called Ownership we somehow believe for whatever reason that when you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, child that they are our property to do to them what we see fit whether it may or may not be harmful to them, it is like an expectation that they should be the way you want them to be to keep you happy, whilst quite unintentional you can be causing a lot of grief in that human. So when we change our thinking and realise that every human big or small are all individual (yes of course with babies we care and nurture them until they are old enough to do so themselves). When having the understanding that as a parent or partner that when we accept, love and respect ourselves we have no insecurities so things like jealousy, anger, resentment, frustration are not an issue because we are there to Love, Nurture, Support, Encourage, Re-assure them not make fun of them or criticise them or tell the what their faults are. This way we do not attach ourselves with the ownership of another. To get to this space in life can take a lot of self development and courage in our own lives to again look at our own behaviour and ask ourselves what am l fearful about that makes me react in such a negative way (the answer is usually something to do with fear of something Loss is a big one for a lot of people l have worked with over the years.) Usually it is most peoples biggest fear that actually happens because they have created it, so the beautiful thing about non attachment is that it not only frees up the people you have relationships with it also frees you up to be the absolute BEST version of yourself this is where you experience the Magic when you allow it! Trust me l have been through it all and managed to come out the other side and it is the most Wonderful thing to know and have TRUST in your own ability and you will be that person that also knows how to bring out the BEST in others which does have a ripple effect!
4. STOP being the person that others expect of you! Again we often say Yes to things that we really do not want to say Yes to and once we can learn to say No you will notice that it is not that difficult and it changes things. One of the things l used to be very guilty of, l would do things for others to make them happy and never realised how resentful l could become but because l used to say Yes all the time people became to expect that of me oh yes just ask Chrissy she is good at that so she will do it for you and so on. So hence l would do it and walk away feeling tired, irritable or frustrated as l had not had time to do the things l really wanted to get done. This certainly does not mean that your being selfish it just means again that we have to respect our time and when we really want to do something and have the time to be able to we can say YES whilst enjoying and having fun with whatever the experience is that you have said Yes to. It is not another persons fault it is just that they are used to what we are like so when we say No they may get a bit upset with us or they might surprise you and say well thank you for letting me know you are unable to be there at that time etc as l now have time to organise something or someone else and it was not even an issue, it is just the story we can conjure up in our own minds. Here's the thing when you always put yourself in another persons shoes, think about what it must be like for them and ask yourself if you were asking something of them and they said No to you how would you react or respond? Mind you everyone has their own map of the world and that is OK! How do we really get to be intimate with another human if we are not asking questions (ie. what do you mean by that? How are you feeling right now? then LISTEN to their answers before making any assumptions.)
5. STOP being Fearful
Yes I know this is a big ask!
This is something l read myself in regards to giving up FEAR and l thought it was described beautifully which is why l am sharing it here. Give up on your fears - Fear is just an illusion, it doesn't exist - you created it. It's all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
I can honestly say with all my heart l do not feel Fear in my life these days, l do not even fear death l just be Grateful for every waking day that l have here on the planet we call earth and because this is the Best feeling ever l just want other people to get to experience what it Feels like for themselves because it is truly possible. Please do not think for a moment that l am saying things will be perfect for you all of the time as so many different things happen in the circle of life that we would never have imagined however when we build resilience, strength, hope and courage we are able to better cope and understand whether we need to step in and do something or just mind our own business and stand back to let others work it out for themselves. although at times challenging when you know what to do and how to be it just seems to magically work out somehow for the better!
Here is another little Mindfulness quote that l am sure you can resonate with - Being mindful is not necessarily about being happy all of the time. Becoming more mindful will not bring you instant peace and satisfaction. It will, however, make you more aware of what causes you distress and how you can move towards creating the life you want.
“I am a walking example of a human that had absolutely no self esteem, confidence or love for myself to now knowing l am better than that and can say l have turned my life around and want to share my experience, strength and hope with others to create a happier world.”
As l grew up in an extremely volatile domestic violent home being such a frightened little girl of my mother, not having any understanding of why she was doing what she was doing witnessing my older sister being beaten until she bled, being locked in a back room with no food or drink for days, sneaking out the window at night to eat crab apples from a tree or grapes from a grapevine. Witnessing windows crockery getting smashed and being made to clean up the mess of the aftermath. My mum was diagnosed with schizophrenia l learnt in later years, what l am mentioning here is just a tip of the iceberg as to what went on. Over the years this effected the relationships l had with others, my confidence, l never felt like l had any self worth (l do remember though when l was a little kid climbing up in a tree when mum and dad were fighting yelling and screaming l was scared and when l was up in the tree l always felt the presence of fairies and angels surrounding me and making me laugh which made me feel safe for a little while) l think this is one of the reasons l love being outdoors in nature so much, was l ever grateful for those moments! As l grew older and met my husband then a police officer (who has since passed away) we had two amazing children together Karl & Jess and l believe it was through raising them that l was able to live the childhood l never had as a child as they laughed, played, watched Disney movies l had never seen in my life before with me they never judged me or told me l was ugly, fat horrible they just cuddled me and loved me they made it easy for me to be a mum, if anything l was probably to over protective of them which is why l worried so much about them as l NEVER wanted them to experience some of the tragic things l had seen growing up. So l really knew that l had some work to do to change things for myself as my past kept resurfacing in other ways either from another sibling or a child that had been born to a sister at a young age and they were adopted as a baby because the church my dad created stained glass windows for took care of it all back then. 30 years later the daughter of my sister finds me and starts asking all these questions WOW it was a lot to deal with at the time. So l first started on my journey of self discovery when l went to an Anthony Robbins weekend seminar in NSW did all the cool stuff, walked over hot coals, let go of a lot of fears, but then came back and really did not know how to change things in the real world! My marriage eventually fell apart and we divorced which was an extremely difficult time for myself and the kids especially. So l continued on my path as a single mum of self discovery, continued to do many courses, self healing, learning about me and then l discovered Mindfulness which really helped me in so many ways of how to start creating the small daily changes within myself which over the years has just continued me to discover more about my why this started changing the way l thought about life, l found the courage to have conversations with people that were extremely difficult for me but l learnt how to do this in a way that l was being kind to myself and kind to them. One of my favourite sayings (which l learnt in A-anon a place for people to go that have been effected by other peoples drinking) is Say What you Mean, Mean what you say and don't say it Mean! I also met an amazing friend that for many years l travelled with and had so many of the funniest most amazing experiences in my life EVER! So grateful that she came into my life she was a very strong and courageous girl we used to walk n talk a lot many kilometres over the years of knowing each other, l am so grateful to her as l learnt so much about having courage and finding my strength and bringing my big brass balls out (as she would say) we seemed to have some kind of ying n yang thing happening as we had a lot of similarities and yet so so different. She is still a very special person in my life today even though we do not see each other as much as we used too. I know she is always there!
Several teachers have come into my life l guess when l have been ready to face the next fear and help me to take the next step forward in letting go of that fear and trusting in my higher power ( a god of my understanding) An l have to say at the age now of 63 the last 20 years of my life have been some of the most Amazing highlights, learnings, growth (some of which was challenging and scary at the time) I can honestly say some of the most rewarding and continuing as l believe the day l stop learning will be the day that l die graciously is my intention! Like l mentioned earlier l am so Grateful for everything that has happened in my life as it has made me the person l am today and in my true heart of hearts l just want for people to know that know matter what has happened in your life it can be turned around when you know how and when your ready to climb up from that place of despair there will always be someone that will grab your hand and lift you up, l have had a few special people in my life that have done that for me throughout my searching and when l have been ready to allow it l have experienced some of the BEST and happiest times of my life and have set an intention to Live many more years of happiness and bringing others along with me for the ride when they are willing to EMBRACE themselves and be willing to make the REST of their LIVES become the BEST of their LIVES! Now continuing my journey of learning in a course with The Coaching Institute of Melbourne to become accredited in many areas as a Trainer, Facilitator. Mentor and Coach which is taking me to an new level to best serve my client, students & patients.
This is a wonderful time to make that change one day at a time by saying YES to creating the REST of your Life to become the BEST of your life - make an appointment with me now for your first free session and l promise you that l will devote my utmost as a mentor / Mindfulness + Awareness = Happiness coach to assist you 100% to help you DISCOVER what lights you up! I can honestly say the journey l have started on by saying YES to life has changed all areas of my life and l could not be happier to be of service in helping you discover your goals, aspirations and dreams. The power of NOW is where it starts, trust yourself if this feels right for you now listen to your intuition and start the process one step at a time.
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What do you know of that you would like to change in your life?
Do you feel that you are living your best life on daily basis?
If you could change one thing to create more happiness and joy in your life what would it be?
Do you have uncertainty around decision making?